Santerra's Sin: A Loveswept Classic Romance Page 12
Now it was his turn to smile, though it was a dry one.
“Oh, how I love it when you do that,” she said.
“What?” he asked.
“Smile.”
“I like it too. Thank you for that, Blue.” He pulled her to him for another long lazy kiss. When they both started to stir again, he pulled back with a groan. “We have to—”
“I know, I know. Hide me from crazed killers and plot ways to foil their nefarious schemes.”
He grinned at that. “Woman after my own heart.”
She kissed him hard. “Man who already has mine,” she said quietly. Then carefully slid off of him, sighing as he eased from her body, but turning away before he could pull her back.
Feeling cold and oddly alone, she reached for her jeans.
“You have mine too,” he said into the sudden quiet.
NINE
Before Blue could comment, she heard the slide of his zipper and the rustle of his shirt as he fumbled with the buttons. She finished pulling her shirt back on, then turned. “I’ll do that.” She brushed his hands aside and finished the task.
He pulled her head to his and kissed her deeply. “Thank you, Blue,” he said against her lips.
Her eyes drifted shut as she whispered, “Please don’t leave me here.”
He ached with the knowledge of what that simple request had cost her. “I don’t want to.” He stole another soft kiss, then another. She opened her eyes when he stopped. “But your safety is most important. I’m too involved, Blue. I should have let John call in a replacement yesterday after I was shot. I can’t protect you like this. Both my body and my mind aren’t fully able.”
She pulled back a little. “I’m not exactly helpless, Diego. As you probably know, I made it three quarters of the way through the police academy in the top five in my class. I know when to shoot and when to duck. Don’t protect me. Educate me so I can protect myself.” She gave a meaningful glance to his sling. “So we can protect each other.”
“I already have a partner.”
“Is there a law that says you can only have one?”
“Is that why you want me to stay?”
“If all I wanted was a partner to help get me out of here, I could use John.”
“You don’t know John very well.”
“Well enough to know I’d make him so miserable that he’d be relieved to let me take care of myself.”
Diego almost smiled. “I’ll be sure to tell him that.”
“I’m sure he’ll care.”
“You have no idea how much. He’s putting his life on the line for you too.”
Blue looked away, her cheeks flushing. “I’m sorry. That was ungrateful of me.” She looked back. “But it’s not like I asked him to. He’s not doing this for me. He’s doing it for whoever asked him to. Who asked him, Diego? Who do you work for?”
“You never answered my question.”
Disgusted, she tried to pull away from him. He held her tight.
“Will you answer mine if I answer yours?” she asked evenly.
“As best I can, yes.”
“You mean as best as you will. You know the whole story, so you can tell me, but you won’t.”
“Are you going to answer me?”
A hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth. “You are almost as bad as I am, Santerra. Like a bulldog sometimes.”
“We make quite a pair, Blue Delgado.”
She searched his face, looking inside him the way only she seemed able to do. “Yes, Diego Santerra. I’m beginning to think we do.” She pressed one hand against his face, molding his cheek with her palm. “That’s why I don’t want you to go. I’m just finding out that maybe I want to risk dreaming again. Maybe you could be part of that dream. I don’t know, but I want to find out. If you walk out that door, I’m afraid I’ll never have that chance.”
His soul connected to her words, to her wants, to her needs. They were his, too, yet his heart ached at her declaration. “I can’t promise you anything, Blue. Hell, I can’t even tell you what is going on here.” He brought his hand up to frame her face as she had his. “So soft,” he whispered, pressing his fingertips to her temple. “And yet so strong.”
Blue stared at the man who had turned her world upside down in ways she hadn’t thought possible. “You make me feel so protected, yet I know that you respect my strength, that you expect me to be myself and want me that way.” She let her fingers trail over his lips. He kissed them, making her draw in a soft, sharp breath. “Do you know how incredible that is to me?” She replaced her fingers with her mouth, kissing him gently at first, then more firmly, until she was pouring every ounce of feeling she had into it. When she finally pulled away, they were both breathing heavily again. “So maybe it’s time for you to dream a little too.”
“I’ve never wanted to before. I don’t know if I can now. I’m not sure I even know how.”
His beautiful pale eyes were so bleak, she felt her eyes burn. “Then think of me—us—as a goal, as a mission to be accomplished.”
“That’s just it, I don’t see how there can be an us. My job …” His voice trailed off and he looked away, shaking his head.
She turned his face back to hers. “I’m not asking you to give up anything. Yes, I want to know what is happening here, to me, and why. That’s normal, I think. And yes, there is a part of me that understands why you can’t tell me, as frustrating as that is. I respect your integrity even as I want you to trust me enough to tell me anyway.” A small smile curved her lips. “See, I don’t ask for much.”
“Blue—”
“Shhh,” she said, stopping his argument. “I don’t know what I’m really asking for here. When you kissed me on Red Rock, you said no rules, no promises. I’m not asking for any now. All I want is what you can give me. A day, an hour. I want more, Diego, I won’t lie. I might even want it all.” She held his gaze squarely. “But I will take whatever I can get. I already know it’s better than nothing at all.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t—”
“Oh yes I do. You’re just afraid I really mean it.”
“You don’t know me, don’t know what I’m capable of doing, what I have done.”
“Drug runner, secret-agent man, and cook,” she shot back. “Anything else?”
He shook his head, but the look in his eyes made her shiver.
“That’s right, Blue.” She hated the emptiness in his voice. “Cold. That’s what I am. I’ve been a drug runner and I can cook for myself. But you got my current job description wrong. You know what I am? I’m a killer, Blue. Uncle Sam’s lethal weapon. They point me at the bad guys and I get rid of them. However I can, whatever it takes. I’m like a damn machine. And I’m damn good at it. Is that what you want?”
“Since when did Uncle Sam start recruiting teenage drug runners?”
Diego blew out a heavy sigh of disgust. “Aren’t you listening to anything I’m saying?”
“Yes,” she said calmly. “How did you go from working for the bad guys to working for the good ones?”
“It’s not that black-and-white, Blue. They just offered me a better deal, one where I could do what I was already doing, but it was all legal. The only difference was if I got caught, I didn’t do jail time, I got killed. And frankly I didn’t really care about that. It’s just a matter of time anyway.”
“Diego—”
“No, Blue. Don’t assign me values and morals I don’t have. I’m no different from most of the men I take out.” He shook his head. “Take out. I mean kill. I kill people, Blue.”
“Can you live with yourself? Your decision to do this?” She lifted her hand to stop his response. “I already know the answer to that. Of course you can or you wouldn’t do it. Couldn’t do it.” She shook her head when he opened his mouth to speak. “No, don’t try to convince me otherwise. You are telling me that you are a stone-cold killer with the morals and mind of a criminal who just happens to wor
k on the right side of the law. I know that to be wrong. I’ve witnessed firsthand your emotions, your morals, your mind.” Her tone was urgent now. “I hate it that there is even a need for a job like yours. But I also know they were damn lucky to find you. No one who is as committed as you are is just ‘doing his job.’ This is you, Diego, and that’s not a bad thing.” She grabbed his arm when she saw emotion flicker in his eyes. “You’re not a bad thing. Whoever hired you understood that. He didn’t just give you a better job opportunity, he gave you your life. Don’t you see that?” She relaxed her grip on his arm. “So the answer is yes, you are what I want.”
“Blue, I—” He broke off and looked away.
She let him, knowing he was fighting a battle in which only he could decide the victor. Waiting was the hardest thing she’d ever done.
When he finally did look back at her she wanted to weep at the emotions filling his eyes. It was all the answer she needed. Her mouth was on his before he had a chance to speak.
He tugged her hard against his body, heedless of his sling. “Blue, Blue,” he said against her mouth. “What are you doing to me?”
Loving you. The words rang clearly in her mind, and in her heart.
He lifted his head, his eyes still glassy, his voice hoarse. “You make me feel things I’ve never— Hell, you make me feel, period.” He cupped her face with one hand. “I don’t want to leave you.”
Blue’s heart sank. “But you are.”
“I can’t do my job.” He cut off her reply with a shake of his head. “No, it’s precisely because I care too much that I have to get a replacement up here. The team is a good one, Blue. Solid. I trust them with my life, and I trust them with yours.” He heaved a sigh, then traced her bottom lip with his finger. “And you have to believe that is the most precious thing to me right now. I have to know I am doing what is best for you.” He lifted his sling slightly. “Between my arm, my leg …” He grabbed her gaze and held it tightly. “And my heart … I’m not even close to one hundred percent. Let me do what I have to do. And I plan to do whatever I can to get the okay to tell you everything.”
“I want to hear it from you.”
“You will.”
“Is that a promise, Diego Santerra?”
“It’s as close to one as I can make, Blue. You should know the truth.”
“What is it that is so dangerous for me to know? I haven’t done anything to anyone, heard anything, seen anything.” She focused on her frustration and her fear. It was the only way she was going to keep from falling apart when he walked away from her.
“I’ll do my best, Blue.”
She reined in her temper and tried to smile for him. “Well, that’s no small promise,” she said softly.
“It’s late. You should try to get some sleep.”
The idea of going into a strange room all alone and shutting the door suddenly terrified her. A part of her knew she was being silly, but a larger part of her simply refused to face her demons alone in the dark.
She didn’t realize her grip on his shirtfront had tightened until he pried her fingers loose and brought her hand to his mouth. She was trembling but was helpless to stop it.
“I’m okay,” she said, knowing she was anything but. She had no idea how long they’d been standing there, but his leg had to be beyond throbbing. And his shoulder couldn’t be any better, as much as she’d been clinging to him. “You need your rest too.”
“I’ll be fine,” he said.
“And we are both full of it.”
His mouth curved slightly. “There is a lamp on the nightstand in there. Leave it on. If you need me, I’ll be right out here.”
She nodded, knowing if she spoke she’d be begging him to join her. Not for sex. She wanted him wrapped around her, knowing he’d keep her safe. And to know he’d be okay as long as he was in her arms. Sleeping apart didn’t feel right.
She stepped out of his arms while she still could. “Which one?” She motioned toward the two doors.
“On the left.”
When she reached the door, she turned back to him. “Will you be here in the morning?”
“Yes.”
She didn’t have to ask if he was still leaving, but at least this wasn’t good-bye. Not yet anyway.
Just then the front door flew open, startling both of them. McShane filled the doorway, his entire body screaming tension.
“Word just came up the hill. They’re on the way. Get her loaded and out of here. I’ll slow them down as much as I can.”
“Transport?” Diego asked, already limping across the room to the kitchen.
“Four-wheel-drive truck. One.” John crossed to the front of the cabin. “That we know of anyway.”
“How did they find us?” Blue asked, not moving. One second she was immersed in Diego, and the next, the world rudely interrupted again. She was having a harder time making the transition than Diego was.
They ignored her, or maybe they hadn’t heard her at all. She supposed it made no difference. They continued to swap questions and information in terse abbreviated lingo. She understood about half of it. The most important part was crystal clear. Jacounda’s men knew where she was and they were coming to get her.
Diego one-armed a long black duffel bag to John. “Put that in the Jeep, passenger side, zipper up.”
“Done.” John hefted another black multizippered bag and left the cabin.
Diego turned to Blue. “When we get in the Jeep, I want you in the back, on the floor. Don’t lift so much as a hair on your head until I tell you to.”
Blue just stared at him. The machine had surfaced. Diego the man was nowhere to be seen. Part of her ached for the loss. The other was fascinated by this side of him. The complex combination was downright irresistible.
John came back in, talking into a small microphone wired to his collar. “Out in less than two.” He stopped in front of them. “Time to go. You’ve got about a five-minute lead. Track C seems the best bet in getting down. It’s clear right now. Rico has been taken out of the checkpoint. No word on why. T.J. will meet you at Point B.” He paused. “They’ll take her from there.”
A moment of silence passed as the two men stared at one another. Blue knew enough to deduce that Diego was being pulled from the case.
She wanted to speak up in his defense, make it clear that he had already chosen to do that, but she doubted he’d appreciate the interference. In fact, right now, that’s how she felt. Like an interference in his whole life.
“Understood,” Diego finally said, then looked to her. “Let’s move.”
“Your arm and your leg—” She broke off, not entirely sure what she meant to say to him. Something felt wrong, terribly wrong. It went beyond the threat of danger. He was too impersonal, when less than five minutes ago he had been anything but.
“I’ll get you to the bottom of the mountain,” he said.
John broke in. “I wouldn’t send him if I—”
“It’s not me I’m worried about!” She hadn’t meant to shout, but it got their attention. The sudden silence was almost deafening.
John looked from her to Diego, then said, “Get gone. I’ll try to buy you another five to ten.”
Diego headed for the Jeep. Blue followed, turning to him just before climbing in the back. “I could drive. It makes more sense. They’d never think I’d be the driver. I’ll wear a baseball hat or something.”
“Nice try. Get in and hold on. The ride won’t be a smooth one.”
“Do you really think you’re capable of defensive driving, if it comes to that?”
She hadn’t meant to hurt him. Hadn’t thought she could. But she hadn’t mistaken that brief flicker of emotion before his expression closed her out completely. She put her hand on his good arm. “I didn’t mean it that way, Diego. I want us both to get out of here safely. I just want to help.”
“I’ll get you to the checkpoint. You and T.J. can hash it out from there. Get in, Blue. We’re wasting time.”
“So you plan to dump me on this T.J. person and that’s it? Another of your illustrious team, I take it. Just how many of you guys are there?” She wasn’t sure he would answer. Her body screamed in revolt as they bounced over the rutted road. She felt as if she’d been used for batting practice. When he finally spoke she heaved a sigh of relief. Something to focus on besides the pain. And the fear.
“We started with twelve. The Dirty Dozen. That was about ten years ago. There are six of us left and a team leader. He’s the one testifying. Once he’s done, he will, for all intents and purposes, cease to exist.”
“Where will you go once we get to the checkpoint?” she asked.
“We have to get there first.”
“When we do, what next?”
There was a pause, then he said, “I go back to headquarters and fight like hell to bring you in and brief you when this is all over.”
She slipped her hand between the seats and touched his arm. He stilled for a second between shifting gears and she pressed her fingers tighter.
“Thank you, Diego.”
“I think it’s the right thing to do,” he said almost dismissively. But he did nothing to stop her from touching him. His skin was warm, alive, reassuring. “If I succeed, I hope you agree.”
That surprised her. “Of course I will. Why wouldn’t I?”
He didn’t answer. A split second later two bright beams of light popped over the ridge behind them, about a half mile back.
Out of habit, she started to lift her head to look.
“Get down as far as you can,” he ordered. “Don’t move unless I tell you to.”
“Okay.”
She saw him slip the sling off his left shoulder so he could use both hands. Until now he’d been using one hand to steer and shift at the same time. She had no idea how much damage the bullet had done to his shoulder, but she did know this was not going to help the healing process. She also knew she could argue over who should be driving until she was hoarse and it wouldn’t change the current seating arrangements.